Anticipation. When I hear that word, I usually think of positive things. Waiting for something exciting to happen. Like Christmas morning, a promotion at work… the birth of a baby. All anticipating the new great change in your life.
But anticipation is not always positive. What if what you are waiting for, is something you do not want to hear. What if you stay up at night hoping and praying that it will all be ok, but knowing deep down… anticipating… that it will not be.
That is how I feel right now.
Right now, I am worried deeply about my daughter. She has come far, but is still so behind. Basically, as I told you before, you need to learn how to do productive play before speech will come. My daughter is doing a lot of sensory play. It is supposed to be like a scale. Sensory play is really high up, and productive play was really low. As productive play becomes the primary play, the sensory is supposed to become less and less.
But what happens if it doesn’t?
That is what keeps me up crying at night. That is what keeps the anxiety juices flowing and the beast ruling my life.
I want whats best for my daughter. And when I was carrying her in my belly, I anticipated that everything would work out fine. Everything would grow and develop as it should. I would do everything in my power to make sure she has a wonderful, successful, amazing life.
But, unfortunately as a parent, I cannot control everything.
For all I know, everything will be fine. But just waiting… anticipating… It is the hardest time to slay the beast. But, with support from family, I am slowly starting to get control.
So now we wait. Wait to see how her therapy goes. Wait to see how she develops. Wait to see what the answers are. Wait for the professionals to give us a plan…
And we wait with anticipation…
*** that is totally not me in the picture.